A SPANKING FOR THE KIDS (And their Parents)
Potty-mouthed Asylum Street Spankers offer up a kids’ albumReview by Al Kaufman
Bands that put out concept albums about the joys of drugs and alcohol (SPANKER MADNESS) or write songs with titles like “If You Love Me You’ll Sleep on the Wet Spot” do not typically release children’s albums.
The Asylum Street Spankers is not your typical band.
Created in Austin, Texas over ten years ago, Asylum Street Spankers started as a side project for some of the city’s best musicians. They listened to each other’s old country, jazz and blues albums, as well as some death metal. The result was a band of wildly talented people who could, and would, play anything, all without even plugging in. Up until a couple of years ago, the Spankers played all their shows, “without demon electricity.” They cross styles and genres with ease. They are a Vaudeville act that happens to love Black Flag. And, like music legend Frank Zappa, they also want to make sure they have a blast. They’re music is loaded with sexual innuendo or just blatant sex and drug jokes. In short, they know they are so good that they can act cheap and you will still respect them in the morning.
But a kids’ album? From a band whose encore song is “Shave ‘em Dry,” in which singer/ukulele/saw player Christine Marrs boasts, “I’ve got nipples on my titties big as the ends of my thumbs/ I got something between my legs that makes a dead man come”?
Marrs doesn’t think it’s that big of a deal. “I don’t think we entertained any reservations about [making a kids’ album]. I like to consider us a fairly versatile band. While we’re the people who bring you ‘Shave ‘em Dry,’ we’re also the people that bring you some of my more obscure songs that are purely romantic ditties. We’re a group of musicians and we like all kinds of music. So it might have something of a stretch material-wise, but I knew our fans would like it because a lot of them have kids, and they have to listen to kids’ music all day.”
Asylum Street Spankers
Mommy Says NO!
Marrs is the mother of two boys; 16-year-old Sebastian is already a budding musician, 6-year-old Coltrane, whose impish expression adorns the cover of the new Spankers CD, MOMMY SAYS NO!, is more cerebral. He is a puzzle freak who wants to be a scientist and make robots. Neither child listened to a lot of music geared at kids.
“I studiously avoid children’s music,” says Marrs. “Most children’s music isn’t much fun for parents to listen to. Even some of this supposedly hip stuff I find annoying. A lot of it just seems like it talks down to children’s intelligence. So we don’t have a lot of specifically children’s music in the house, aside from Bloodshot Records’ BOTTLE LET ME DOWN, (on which the Spankers offer a cover of Ray Stevens’ “I’m My Own Grandpa”) which is one of the few examples of something that I can listen to, too. Kids listen to stuff so often. They listen to the same song over and over again. That can get really old with a lot of children music.”
Marrs had her kids listen to music she likes that she thought they would appreciate. This included Harry Nillson’s soundtrack to his movie, THE POINT. Marrs loved the movie and music so much that she started performing “Think About Your Troubles,” from the soundtrack, in concert. The audience loved it, and the seeds to MOMMY SAYS NO! were planted.
Spankers' Christine Marrs
MOMMY SAYS NO! is essentially adult music (including a bluegrass cover of Nirvana’s “Sliver”) that kids will like. Marrs, who channels old blues and jazz divas (as well as a touch of Betty Boop) in her singing, sweetly sings in those styles on her compositions "Be Like You," "Sidekick," and "Don’t Turn Out the Light." Her songs are often from a mother’s perspective and are full of love and wonder.
Then there’s Wammo. The singer/washboard/harmonica player is the only other original Spanker, and the long-haired burly man brings his love of all things metal and crass to the band. His stuff is for the kids that spend a lot of time in the principal’s office. His title cut ensures that all children who listen will develop a fondness for the punk of Black Flag. “Boogers” sounds like an old-time jazz tune but references bands such as U2, Quiet Riot and Slade. The bluesy “You Only Love Me for My Lunch Box,” complete with blues harp solos, is probably the most risqué thing ever on a children’s album. In it, he invites kids to try the tongue-twister: “I am a pleasant pheasant plucker. I pluck mother pheasants. I am the most pleasant pheasant plucker to ever pluck a mother pheasant.” The idea of removing it from the song was never even discussed.
“I thought it was pretty harmless actually,” says Marrs. “This is an Asylum Street Spankers record, and if you can’t take a joke, whatever. We do a much more adult version of it at our show, but I don’t think anyone had an issue with that. It’s kind of what you would expect from us.”
A couple of songs on the CD are sung by Sick, the violin player with the Mohawk cut. He left the band rather abruptly before the CD was released. Bassist PB Shane also recently left. The band has been through some 35 members since 1996. Most leave on amiable terms; they just grow sick of life on the road. Marrs says she and Wammo have become accustomed to the revolving door.
The Asylum Street Spankers
“It always sucks to lose somebody who’s really talented [and] who works really well with the band, but we’ve seen it happen so many times that it’s not really devastating; it just means it’s time for a change. You hire someone else, and they bring new ideas to the table, and it helps to keep things fresh. It seems like it’s always the case that as soon as we release a record, or are about to release a record, someone quits. I don’t think we’ve ever released a record and toured behind it with the band that actually recorded it, so it’s something we’re accustomed to as well. There’s something about either taking a band photo or putting out a record that causes people to quit. As soon as we take a band photo, we lose two of the people in it and it’s just, ‘Oh well, we’re stuck with this picture for a year.’”
For Marrs, too, road life can be grueling. She toured until she was eight months pregnant, and then took Coltrane on tour with her until he was weaned. Now he stays behind with Marrs’ husband, band manager JP Riedie. Does Marrs ever feel like she’s missing her son grow up?
“Sometimes in my greater self-pitying moments I do, but then when I put it in perspective, when I’m home, which is roughly half the year, I’m a stay-at-home mom. I don’t have a day job I have to go to. So it kind of evens out,” she says.
The band is hoping to spend more time at home base in the near future. They are currently working with local playwright, Kirk Lynn, and the theater troupe Rude Mechanicals, to come up with a musical comedy. Lynn and the Mechanicals have had national success recently with their stage adaptation of the David Rees comic GET YOUR WAR ON.
The Spankers’ musical will take place in an insane asylum, with Wammo playing himself and Marrs playing Dr. Marrs. “Since we do have frequent band changes,” explains Marrs, “We’ve named the other characters in the play, Delusional Paranoid, Compulsive Liar, Chronic Masturbator, that kind of thing, so that if we do have more line-up changes, we’re not necessarily tied down to specific roles.”
Marrs and the band hope this will offer an alternative to playing in a different town every night. “I think what we’re hoping to achieve with this is instead of the constant touring of clubs we might be able to settle down in one town for a couple weeks at a time, and not spend quite as much time traveling. This will be a means to take us a little beyond the club circuit route, which we could do until we die, but there’s a feeling of spinning one’s wheels. We could stay on the club circuit forever, see our income incrementally increase with inflation and sustain the same lifestyle, but we’re hoping to work less and make more. That’s our ultimate goal.”
And spend more time at home with the kids, singing about boogers.
